I got a call a few weeks ago...

I had went out to breakfast over a year ago with this nurse from work, and I haven't really seen or talked to her since then. I got a call recently which woke me from my 11 am sleep, and my first thought was, "Who the hell is Shelly?" Ever since I've had a cell phone, I've never spring-cleaned my phone book on it. Keeping in mind I'm still in the famous Ryan-half-daze, the conversation was as followed:

"Hello?"

"Kevin?"

"...yeah?" (At this point, I think I've got it figured out who it is)

"You're in the military, right?"

"No..."

"Oh, who is this?"

...at this point, I explained who I was and how she knew me, which took longer than was needed, or so I thought...


"Oh, how have you been, Kevin? I'm going to start a short dialog with you now in order to pretend that I care about what's going on in your life." (This is the paraphrased version)

"Yep" (Then an awkward pause)

"I have this friend who is in the military and she's in trouble. She's an identical twin and she had her sister go to boot camp instead of her, and she just got caught. Do you know anyone in the military that might be able to help her out?"

"No, I don't think so. I'm also moving back to NY soon, so I don't think I'd be of much help."


"Blah Blah Blah... Okay, we should hang out sometime before you move back to NY."

"Yeah, definitely (NOT!); I will catch you later."

"Bye"

I am only reminded of this conversation now because I saw her in the Walmart parking lot yesterday. We were both walking in at the same time, so I was cordially short when I said, "Hey, I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'll catch you later."

The conversation we had on the phone was funny for a few reasons. First of all, I had that half asleep mentality which made me want to end the noise that was keeping me up as soon as possible, but the opposing force was sheer curiosity into why she was calling.

When I had learned what her friend did, my first thought was, "That sounds like the plot of a bad '80's movie." That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of someone doing. Not only does she have to convince herself it's a good idea to play "Parent Trap" with Uncle Sam, but she'd have to convince her sister to go to boot camp for it. Either they both are genetically stupid, or they had equal portions of lead paint when they were younger.

I was offended on behalf of the real Kevin she was trying to call because I sure as hell wouldn't
want to get tangled in that mess. I could see the court martial now: "Yes, your honor. I would like to speak on behalf of these two total strangers, whose hair-brained scheme cost the military several thousands of dollars. If you could let my commanding officers know about this, I'm sure it would do wonders for my career."

My favorite part of the conversation was the suggestion to hang out before I move back home. "Saying that it took me a good two minutes explaining who I was to you in order for you to figure it out, I definitely think it'd be a good idea for us to reminisce. Speaking of which, remember that time when we had coffee and a bagel after work? That was awesome..."